By Matt Snyder
Herald Staff Writer
SHARON
September 03, 2006 10:13 pm
—
Nancy Caldwell has 21 grandchildren, with one more on the way. But like so many other grandparents these days, she has helped raise them.
In fact, at times she became the sole caregiver for six of her grandchildren. “I kept my grandchildren so my children could better their lives,” she said.
Ms. Caldwell, who described herself as a seasoned adult and older than half of a hundred plus, took over the responsibility of a new generation while her children attended schools or job-training programs.
“Even now that I don’t have to raise them,” she said, “I take them on Saturday. I call that Nana’s Day.” Together, the family likes to read, talk or watch movies –– but not violent ones.
In raising her grandchildren, Ms. Caldwell said she learned a lot about children through experience and also education. “To be honest, the second time around it was easier, because I knew what to do.”
Ms. Caldwell still suffered difficult times. She was single as a mother and a grandmother, which she said made a difference for her financially, mentally and physically.
She recalled getting her hand caught in a hydraulic press at work. The subsequent injury led to depression, which only worsened her health.
She felt depressed over her physical condition, but also being unable to provide better transportation or a better home. “Yeah, I slowed down,” she said. “I slowed down a lot.”
But Ms. Caldwell also had the strength of knowing more, she said. “I knew the signs of chicken pox and measles, and disappointment, and misunderstanding.”
“When I was younger,” she admitted, “my philosophy was if someone hits you, hit them back.” This changed when she raised her grandchildren.
Though she described herself as having been a fighter once upon a time, Ms. Caldwell said that violence does not always stop at fists.
She saw too many tearful visits to a principal’s office, and too many suspensions. “Now I say, ‘Think about it, talk about it, pray about it, then react.’
“There needs to be more love in the world. It took many years of seeing and praying to realize that.”
Ms. Caldwell spends much of her time volunteering for the Parent Resource Center at Southwest Gardens in Farrell. She still picks up her grandchildren sometimes, and they will occasionally hunt her down in the offices.
While Ms. Caldwell talked fondly of her grandchildren, she still expressed concern at the phenomenon of grandparents raising a second generation.
“At the peak of our lives, we should be enjoying our lives and settling down,” she said. “It’s really sad.”
She blames, in part, the flood of drugs in the 1970s and ‘80s, and a generation of parents who never learned the skills to raise and teach their children.
“Myself, for instance,” she said. “When my baby was born, I was going through a divorce, and that fell on my child.”
When Ms. Caldwell sees grandparents raising grandchildren, she looks on it as an attempt to break a chain of destruction and violence.
“A lot of grandparents are trying to correct the mistakes they made with their children,” she said.
Ms. Caldwell said there were resources out there for struggling parents. One goal of the Parent Resource Center is to get them in touch with those resources.
“I, too, didn’t know where to go,” she said. Despite working to support her grandchildren, she said it never seemed to be enough, and it was a neighbor who first told her how to apply for food stamps.
Other difficulties plagued her when raising her grandchildren. Because she initially lacked custody, there would always be runaround on paperwork or doctors unable to treat her grandchildren.
Eventually, one of her daughters had to sign custody of the grandchildren over to her because of the red tape, though she said it didn’t feel right.
Ms. Caldwell remembered her experiences with her grandchildren affectionately. “The things that they say sometimes, it comes at the right time.”
The educational opportunities that she opened for her children led them to careers in child development, mental health counseling, nursing and the electrical trade.
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