AS I read the interesting story in The Herald Friday about the siren testing in Hawaii that will warn of a possible nuclear attack, I couldn’t help but laugh.

They say the siren will sound different than the normal alarm that warns of tsumamis and other natural disasters. And I’m sure it will.

What it should be is a voice that says: “Warning, nuclear attack nears. Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye!”

Let’s face it, where are you going to go in Hawaii that would be safe against a nuclear-missile strike? 

It reminds me of my school days in the late 1950s and early 1960s, during the cold war with Russia and possible threat of a nuclear war.

As a drill, they used to have us crawl under our desks for protection. Give me a break!

Like that would have really helped. 

It would be similar to riding on an airplane and they tell you to make sure you don’t have sharp objects in your pocket in case of a crash. You’ll be slamming into the side of a mountain at 600 miles per hour, carrying thousands of gallons of explosive liquid, and your main concern should be getting stabbed by a pencil? 

Obviously the threat of attack is greatly increased as we see North Korea build stronger weaponry. And of course it’s no help that our president continues to personally insult the psychopath leader of that country.

Naturally, the reason Hawaii is on alert is that it would be the shortest distance for a missile to travel from Asia. It’s where the Japanese attacked at Pearl Harbor in 1941 that brought us into World War II.

So what do we do about North Korea? They continue to violate sanctions against building nuclear weapons and the threat of long-range attacks worsens, so that even the United States mainland could eventually be in range.

Our State Department is trying to bring China and Russia into the dilemma to force North Korea to stop its threatening policies and weapons development. And we made a good point when our leaders said that if there is a war, it will be in their backyard.

Unfortunately, if there is a war, the main concerns would be for our staunch ally South Korea and the United States territory in Guam. Those areas could be hit hard.

We surely wouldn’t mount a nuclear attack on North Korea, but a conventional war would mean a lot of lives lost. Then again, many North Koreans might feel they have little to lose.

Their lives have not been good since the Korean War. Their food supply is limited as evidenced that since the division into two Koreas, the South Koreans are much healthier. They reportedly are on average 30 pounds heavier and 3 inches taller.

The much publicized report on the North Korean defector to the South indicated that the man was full of worms. Yuk!

It’s sad that their despots have led the country to ruin as they spend billions on weapons rather than feeding their people. 

Warning sirens that should be blowing are for the people of North Korea. Without a revolution, they had better start getting ready to crawl under desks.

LYNN SATERNOW of The Herald writes this column each Saturday for The Opinion Page. He can be reached at

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