Life would be great if we all had lackeys like Phil English.

WHAT A SURPRISE. The Herald writes an editorial criticizing Rep. Phil English about his “gas-tax vacation” and we get a letter supporting him from Julia Wanzco. Who’d expect that?

Of course Wanzco is the press secretary for English and is paid to do such. But it leaves me to wonder. Can English write?

It’s no secret that most of us at The Herald have little respect for English and his policies. He spends more time on junkets — excuse me, Wanzco would assuredly call them trips on behalf of our country — than almost any elected politician.

The guy has been a lackey for George W. Bush on most of his ridiculous maneuvers that have cost this country and the taxpayers greatly. And Wanzco has been a lackey for English. When you think about it, we are a government of lackeys.

Man, wouldn’t it be great to have a lackey? I, like most Americans, am lackeyless.

Do you think that some Americans are depressed because they have no lackeys? I think they are. It’s bad enough that the middle class — thanks to people like English — have slipped to the lower class. It’s bad enough that people are losing their homes which they couldn’t afford to heat anyway.

But not to have a lackey? That is a bad as it gets.

If I had a lackey, he or she could write this column for me every week. Or, when people write mean things about me in the paper that hurt my feelings, my lackey could wipe my tears and write a response. But since I’m lackeyless I am at the mercy of the critics.

Lackeys are obviously a wonderful kind of people, especially working for politicians. When a politician puts out a request for hiring a lackey, the want ad must read something like this:

Wanted: Lackey to do bidding of politician who doesn’t have a clue. Must defend said politician at all times, even when exposed to be a moron. When politician is tied up counting money from lobbyists, lackey must make credible excuses why politician isn’t really representing the people during voting sessions. Lackey must follow two basic rules of politics: 1. Your boss is never wrong. 2. When your boss is wrong, see Rule 1.

Politicians like Bill Clinton may have had a few more rules for female lackeys, but those won’t be listed in a family newspaper.

I will admit to you that I once was offered a job as a lackey (press secretary) for a politician, but I declined because I couldn’t agree with all the policies and beliefs of the person. Although I liked the candidate a lot, unlike most lackeys, I’m funny like that. Being ethical is a curse!

I’m just disappointed that Rep. English’s lackey didn’t thank us for the picture we ran of him at Wheatland Tube the other day. Hard to believe she only writes when it’s something that offends her boss. And I think we’ve even said a few good things about English concerning the fight to keep from tolling I-80.

While I’ve never met English’s lackey, I’m sure she’s a nice person. I would love if she would stop in at The Herald and bring English along. I’ll even buy the donuts.