The Herald, Sharon, Pa.

July 27, 2013

Whoa, baby! Americans give the royal treatment

By Lynn Saternow

---- — Here are some thoughts from a guy who hasn’t had much sleep lately because of the excitement over the birth of a new royal baby in Great Britain.

OK, just kidding. I could care less.

Or is it: I couldn’t care more.

Never has so much been made over something so little – or somebody so little.

If I’m not mistaken we fought a war with England to get out from under that country’s rule. No more kings ruling over us, right?

So why would anybody in America care if Prince what’s-his-name and his wife give birth to an heir to the throne? A throne that doesn’t really matter anyhow?

I can understand the tradition involved for the English. I’m sure that’s why English golfer Lee Westwood gagged Sunday on the final day of the British Open after leading by two strokes. He was anxious over the impending birth of royalty.

TV talk shows and news programs were loaded with coverage of the birth. Reporters staked out the area in front of the hospital awaiting the “big news.”

“Wait, this just in: The baby burped.”

“Let’s go to our onsite reporter Patricia outside the hospital and get the full story.”

“I’m here, John, and I have to tell you this is an exciting moment. According to a nurse who asked not to be identified because she would be beheaded, the baby burped. Back to you John.”

“Thanks, Patricia, for that thrilling update. Stay tuned for more on this on News at 11.”

Admittedly the royal coverage may be a break from the day-to-day regurgitation of the life and times of George Zimmerman. And happy news is always welcome since we don’t get much of that.

But I guess it’s just a continuation of what Americans want to see on their TV sets.

As all the ludicrous reality shows take over the networks, the birth of a royal baby is the ultimate reality show. And Prince William and his wife Kate know how to play it up.

When the baby was born, they still didn’t have a name for him other than the official title: Prince of Cambridge.

That way everyone sat on pins and needles waiting for a name.

Come on, people, there are a lot more important things to capture your attention on the telly. Why watch stuff about the royal baby when you can keep up with “Dance Moms” or “Ink Master” or “Gator Boys” or “Pawn Stars”?

Sorry, got to go. “Bad Girls” is coming on.

ä Speaking of reality, is there anything more disgustingly real than the amount of time it has taken to fix South Buhl Farm Drive in Hermitage, one of the main roads in the community?

First, they mill the road and put down the first layer of blacktop. That was months ago. After that, the water company tore up part of the road to install new lines.

Then they started work on the sewer drains. They did a little bit of work, then decided to take a long vacation, leaving rubber barrels on the sites for drivers to dodge around, while also dodging raised manhole covers. It is a dangerous situation as drivers swerve back and forth.

And that’s not to mention the bumps that shake up passengers in your vehicle as you cross the Freeway or East State Street.

Now they are back at it, slowly replacing the sewer drains. It’s pretty obvious the workers must be paid by the hour because repairs are continuing at a snail’s pace.

But hey, maybe by winter the work will be done so the only hazard when snow and ice builds up.

The Herald’s Lynn Saternow writes this column each week for the Opinion Page. He can be reached at